Mama Didn’t Raise a Quitter

I QUIT MY JOB

Not to be dramatic or anything, but this has been the worst year of my life. Which means, of course, that I’ve had a pretty freaking great life. 

This by no means at all was a bad year, but every year before has been progressively better. From as early as I can remember, every year brought brand new experiences and adventures – and every year topped the last. So the reason why this year was the worst, was simply because it wasn’t the best. 

This year, I quit my job. 

Even after wallowing in it for a month, it still feels surreal to write that down. I quit my job. Without anything new lined up. If you know me at all, you’ll know that I don’t like to take risks. Certainly not any that leave my financial stability in any kind of peril. But things were bad enough that I chose resigning myself to awkward justifications of #funemployment or pretending I’m “doing just fine!” if anyone ever asked “hey how’s work going?” over staying in that environment. 

I didn’t write this to trash my old company. There were many wonderful things about it and wonderful people in it. But just like an ex-boyfriend can be a great person, sometimes the relationship just doesn’t work out. And between the long hours and the emotional strain of that job, I found that I wasn’t able to carve out dedicated time to the job hunt, which, unless you’re exceedingly lucky (in which case teach me your secrets because I’m hardcore on the strugglebus), you will know is pretty much a full time job in itself. 

Before I go on, I have to acknowledge: I am so lucky to be in a position where I could choose happiness over a steady income. I had enough money saved to comfortably coast for 6 months (though of course I was hoping I wouldn’t need that long), and I was able to make a decision based on my desires rather than my needs. That’s an insane amount of privilege, and baby Yuna could never have imagined that that would be a choice I could be empowered to make. Even talking about it with my mother – despite her best efforts to be supportive of my decisions, I could sense her unease and concern. Over the last month, ignoring my many reassurances that I didn’t need it, she kept offering me money and asking if I needed to move home. Her reality never included a life in which career fulfillment and enjoyment could ever be prioritized over financial stability so she couldn’t fathom why I would give up a paycheque for the unknown. But her sacrifices in raising me gifted me the opportunity to pursue happiness, and to walk away from what I knew wasn’t serving me in the long term. 

I think, and I don’t know if this is unique to Sauder or business schools in general or just society at large in this day and age, that in many of my circles at least, success means: I’m working a FANCY job! At a SHINY company! That pays a LOT! Doing work that I ENJOY! My life is SO GREAT! Maybe it is just me, but I felt a great deal of pressure to LOVE my job. So much so that I deluded myself into thinking I liked working at my company, blithely ignoring the countless red flags until, 7 months in, I could no longer look past the impact they were making on my mental health and general wellbeing. I started passively applying to jobs in the summer, but wasn’t really committing the time and energy I needed to be serious about it. 

I decided to quit. It wasn’t an easy decision, and not just because of the money. For someone who has (unhealthily) tied their self-worth to their career success (which like, what does that even mean?), quitting felt like failure. It felt like I was too weak or too dumb or just not good enough. But value flows both ways. In a job where the company’s values weren’t aligning with mine, I wasn’t getting the development and learning that I needed to serve me in my long term goals. That is not to say that there was anything fundamentally wrong with either the company or myself; in the end it just wasn’t a culture fit. I had to realize that I deserve to feel valued and happy and fulfilled in my job, and that quitting an environment that wasn’t conducive to those feelings doesn’t mean failure. It means betting on myself. And I couldn’t expect anyone else to do that for me.

And so, on November 19th, I sat down with my manager and informed her that I’d decided to leave. On my last day, I packed my things, said a heartfelt goodbye to the people (and pups) I would miss the most, and never looked back.

The following four weeks were a blur. Not in a busy whirlwind kind of way, but in a shapeless lump that blends together kind of way. I spent majority of my time hunched over my laptop either in bed, or if I was feeling frisky, on my couch, emerging from my blanket cocoon only for the occasional coffee chat or plans with my gainfully employed friends who were busy being productive til the evening. I was bored, lonely, stressed, and anxious, all rolled into one. But I persevered. I reached out to my network, I cold applied to jobs, I even went to therapy for the first time ever (lit af, btw, everyone should go to therapy). But I never once questioned my decision to leave. Despite the uncomfortable ambiguity of not knowing when I’d next be paid, I felt far better in employment limbo than I did waking up every morning to go to work at my old job. I had to have faith in my skills and experience. I’m Yuna Fucking Wang, after all, and I’m employable as fuck. 

On November 19 I took a bet on myself. On December 19, despite it being one of the hardest months of the year to lock down a new job, that bet paid off (#humblebrag saga continues). My number one priority was culture fit, because that was the number one thing that I lacked at my old company. So through the entire process from application through three rounds of interviews, I kept culture at the top of mind, making sure I was thoroughly vetting both the company and the team I’d be joining to give me the best chances of making the right decision. I’m so excited to share that on January 6, 2020, I’ll be officially joining Hootsuite as a Project Manager on the IT Business Engagement team.  

HIGHS AND LOWS

Now that I’m, ahem, a grown woman (big lol), I’ve been approached by a number of younger students wanting to hear about my experience throughout and beyond my degree. Every single one of them expressed self-doubt and anxiety from comparing themselves to what they saw their peers accomplishing, feeling like they were somehow “behind”. Many of them already had great work or extra-curricular experience, but still felt they didn’t measure up. I know we all know this already but if you’re not new to the blog you’ll know I love to repeat cliches like they’re some kind of groundbreaking insight that I came up with myself: you can’t compare your whole life to other people’s highlights reel. 

In my lifetime (which pretty much means in the last 6 years), I’ve probably submitted over 500 job applications. In the month since I quit my last job alone, I submitted over 50. Of those 500 applications, I’ve been invited to around 80 interviews. Of those interviews, I’ve received around 30 job offers. Which means, of course, that I’ve been straight up rejected by over 420 companies, and over half of the companies that actually met me didn’t like me either. 

But that’s not what I go around telling people. I say: Hi, I’m Yuna. I taught myself to code so I could build websites for Financial Advisors at a Big 5 bank. I worked in Paris and the marketing strategy I built for my company led to a £5M investment. I was the top performer on my fintech SaaS sales team. I planned a Supplier Summit for 300 of adidas’ key international supplier C-suite in Hong Kong. I supported the launch of the world’s first ever AR smart swimming goggle. I helped lead an omni-channel technology transformation at a major retail brand. 

I don’t tell people: I once slept for 29 consecutive hours, waking only thrice to use the bathroom. I didn’t know what a fitted sheet was for until 2018. I, a biz-school-graduated tax-paying adult, still don’t quite understand how to file my taxes. I haven’t been to the gym since April. Oh – and I was rejected by over 470 companies. Oops, guess the secret’s out. 

So remember when you see all the cool and shiny things the people around you are doing, that a) they’re probably struggling just as hard as you are and b) other people are looking at you and thinking that your life is the cool and shiny one. 

NEW YEAR NEW ME

Last year, in the spirit of honesty and vulnerability, I set some goals for 2019 (if you’re curious about the context, click here). Let’s see how we did, shall we? 

• Exercise more 

So I signed up for the Sun Run, and, in an effort to neither injure myself nor embarrass myself too much, trained pretty consistently (4-5 gym days per week) from January to April. Immediately after the race, I fell off the wagon completely and went to the gym maybe 4 more times the rest of the year. 4/10. 

• Be more proactive in reaching out to friends

I got feedback from my friends that despite being in a serious (and time-consuming) relationship for the majority of the year, the quality of my friendship (and quantity of facetime) did not decrease as a result. So I think I did pretty well on this, 8/10. 

• Read more nonfiction

Not to be that guy, but I’ve been really into audiobooks lately (cue eye-roll). Some of my favourite non-fic picks from this year (in no particular order): The Gene by Siddharta Mukherjee, Nudge by Richard H Thaler and Cass R Sunstein, Just Mercy by Brian Stevenson, and Mindset by Carol Dwek. 8/10. 

• Travel to at least one new place

This year, amidst the craziness of the new job, I only took like 2 days of vacation and did not fly a single time. So, for the first time in 4 years, I did not travel anywhere new. Unless you count Chilliwack. Which I certainly do not. 0/10. 

• Learn to forgive myself when I make mistakes

This one is hard to measure. I think I am becoming more gentle with myself, which is helped by the amazing support system around me reminding me that I am worth more than my mistakes. At the same time, I will always be my own toughest critic. It’s not the end of the world to be hard on myself, since it pushes me to be better, but it’s important to set boundaries in both directions. 6/10. 

• Learn to take responsibility for and fix my shortcomings

Another vague one. What does this even mean? New goal for 2020: set better goals. 5/10 

• Get better at my job

Hell yes. I got so much better at my job that I outgrew it and landed a promotion and a fat raise at a new company. 10/10. 

• Draw more

This hobby was largely neglected save for a few greeting card designs here and there. Sad. 3/10. 

• Spend less time in bed and more on my feet

You know what? I’ve decided that if I’m in general satisfied with my life and the activities and people in it, I shouldn’t beat myself up for enjoying my relaxation time while I have the capacity. Striking this, N/A. 

So what’s next? Here are some of my goals for 2020. 

• Freaking travel. For real this year. 
• Exercise an average of 3x/week. Hootsuite has an onsite gym, I have no excuse. 
• Take at least 3 weeks of vacation time. I’ll need it. 
• Find a real hobby that requires regular commitment with external consequences to eschewing said commitment 
• Read more paper books (as much as I love audio, I feel like it’s a bit of a cop-out) 
• Love my fucking job 

While this may have been a tough year, it was an amazing learning experience, and I have no regrets. It was a year of stretching and growth and professional and personal development. And of course, it was a year full of non-work-related ups and downs too. Luckily, the ups outnumbered the downs. I’m beyond grateful to live this beautiful life full of such beautiful people and abundant opportunity, and I can’t wait to see what the new decade brings. 

Because I pretty much spent the majority of this post whining, let me end this by taking a second to count my blessings. 

I am financially stable and live in an amazing apartment in an amazing location (with an amazing roommate and dog!)

I am surrounded by the best ever support system of friends all over the world. 

I had a stellar education that opened more doors that I could have ever dreamed.

I had the privilege of spending 5 years fine tuning my goals and exploring my passions.  

I was able to make a hard pivot from Marketing to Tech and am about to start working a new job for which I am next level stoked.

If baby Yuna could see me now, she’d be blown the fuck away.